Parents Make a Big Splash
Published Aug. 27, 2006
For obvious reasons, I don’t enjoy being compared to a whale.
But, as it turns out we humans have a lot in common with Shamu.
Anyone who’s ever visited Sea World can attest to a whale’s intellect and beauty. Their eyes
simply dance with intelligence and feeling, and when they flop their gigantic frames onto the edge of
the pool, we all wish we were the ones doling out the hugs.
Sea World trainers spend thousands of hours working in order to showcase the talents of their
protégés, and the affection between human and whale is inspiring. But then again, if you’re gonna
jump on board and ride the hind end of a 10,000 pound animal, you better have a good relationship.
In a recent interview one Sea World trainer shared the secrets of a good rapport with her animals,
and the correlation for parents and kids is striking. In fact, there’s a whale of a lot of similarities:
* Create an environment that is interesting, fun and stimulating.
Most parents of young children find this pretty simple given a toddler’s propensity to bang on pots
and pans. It’s a little trickier with older kids, but still, this is the easy part.
* Focus on the behavior you want to see repeated; don’t make a big issue if a mistake is made
and set them up to succeed the next time.
Ahh, now things get trickier. Parents have to actually stop and think about how to help a child feel
successful.
* Fear of discipline has a dampening effect, which can lead to defensiveness or aggression.
Call me crazy but if I’m in a pool with a whale, I don’t think I want him acting aggressive toward me
because he’s afraid I might punish him. The root word of discipline is “disciple” which means “to
teach.” If our methods of discipline create fear, children won’t learn in that frightened state and in
fact, rebel against it.
* If the animal isn’t getting it, then the trainer simply isn’t being positive enough or the animal
hasn’t fully developed yet.
Yes, we may have to repeat our training efforts over and over until they get it.
* “No negative feedback” doesn’t mean allowing inappropriate behavior.
We naturally want to do our best work in an environment that is positive not where mistakes are
highlighted and feedback is downbeat. Keep it constructive and encouraging.
* Competency comes form the right mix of success and challenges, failure and encouragement.
So it’s actually ok for our kids to struggle and even (gasp!) fail?
* Notice good behavior, ignore the bad.
Easier said than done when a child is making armpit noises in church, but we’ll give it a shot.
* Don’t give fake praise.
You don’t have to be a killer whale to have killer instincts and know when someone’s not being
sincere.
* What you reinforce is what you’ll get.
And what you focus on grows.
No one is suggesting that raising kids isn’t a lot of work and fraught with challenges and
frustrations unique to the human species. But then again, who’d have thought you could make a
10,000 pound whale jump through a hoop with a human standing on the end of his nose?